Now that summer is here, most of us are planning some kind of vacation, so as always here at the Connecticut Report, we’ll offer up some suggestions on getaway trips for our state political leaders. We do so with the caveat that this entire piece is pure fantasy because it is illegal to offer expensive gifts and trips to elected officials. This is just for fun:
Gov. Dannel Malloy: This guy has been to Afghanistan, Switzerland, Washington, D.C., and a slew of places all across Connecticut in the last year. His state trooper guards have racked up a ton of overtime, so Malloy really doesn’t need a vacation road trip. Instead, let’s send him a Nook, Kindle, or some other e-reader device so he can snuggle up at home and read. We can send along some great political reads such as: The Manchurian Candidate, All the President’s Men, Profiles in Courage, and that Sarah Palin classic Going Rogue.
U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman: This is our last chance to provide vacation help, because Joe is retiring from the Senate. Since Lieberman’s a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, maybe we can get him a ride on the next nuclear submarine that hauls out of the Groton sub base. Joe can slip under the waves for a secret vacation wherever the “boat” takes him. If he doesn’t surface in time for the fall Senate session, no matter, because Congress won’t get anything done anyway.
Republican Legislative Leaders Rep. Larry Cafero & Sen. John McKinney: These two fellows have spent their entire legislative careers in the minority, battling the Democratic majority, proposing amendments that never get passed, complaining about being left out of budget negotiations, putting in bills that never get considered in committee. So what do they need this vacation season? A very different kind of getaway. Let’s give Larry and John a trip in Mr. Peabody’s WABAC Machine, that immortal cartoon time machine. We’ll send our GOP lawmakers back to the years 1985 and 1986 the last time Republicans actually had control of the State House & Senate. Oh, the things they shall see!
5th District Congressional candidates: The men and women running for Congress in the 5th District have been waging spirited campaigns in advance of the Democratic and Republican primaries August 14th. They probably couldn’t take a vacation if they wanted to. However, beyond that, with federal investigators looking into questionable campaign practices in both parties in the District, the candidates would be wise to follow TV’s Law & Order line: “Better not leave town, in case we need to talk to you.”
Republican State Sen. Joe Markley: Markley doggedly has opposed the controversial mass transit project known as the New Britain to Hartford bus way championed by Democratic Gov. Dannel Malloy. The Southington lawmaker sees it as more of a boondoggle. Now that the project groundbreaking has occurred, maybe the Senator should learn to love a bus! Let’s send him on a good old-fashioned bus trip across America. We’re figuring Malloy loyalists would like to make it a one-way ticket to nowhere. Beep beep.
State Attorney General George Jepsen: Unlike his publicity-hungry predecessor Richard Blumenthal, Jepsen, as attorney general, has been low-key with few press conferences and no slew of lawsuits. Apparently George likes the quiet life. So let’s send him to Walden Pond in Concord, Massachusetts where he can commune with nature and contemplate the teachings of the late and celebrated local hero Henry David Thoreau whose mantra was: “Simplify, simplify, simplify!”
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