Official Vehicle
Road Trip 2011
Photo Source: Wikimedia Commons
Posted 7/11/11
Summer is in full bloom, and many of us are planning vacations in various locales. Again this year, we’d like to offer our earnest Connecticut politicians an opportunity to get away from it all. So here are some suggestions that we like to call “Road Trip 2011.” Please note that because it is illegal to offer expensive gifts and trips to elected officials, these journeys are pure fantasy—presented just for fun:
Gov. Dannel Malloy: Connecticut’s new chief exec is an admitted policy wonk and workaholic. Asked for his biggest disappointment in the 2011 legislative session, Malloy said: “It ended. I would have liked to keep on working.” This guy needs to get away—and we mean far! So, let’s send Gov. Malloy to remote Pitcairn Island in the South Pacific. Yes, the same Pitcairn where the mutineers from the HMS Bounty hung out. Today it has a population of 50. The locals keep themselves busy with fishing and handicrafts. Malloy can decompress. We presume any internet connection is spotty—and reportedly, there is just one pay phone on the island. Mellow out, guv.
U.S. Sen. Richard Blumenthal: When he was a state official, Blumenthal aspired to be a United States Senator. Now that he’s got the job, we hear Dick yearns for weekends and official recess periods so he can fly to Connecticut to hit parades, veterans events, clambakes, and related events so he can “meet and greet” the voters. As the late Gov. William O’Neill might have said: “So be it, whatsoever, indeed.” Let’s provide Blumenthal with the latest official state road map, a couple of tanks of gas, and let him roam the Nutmeg State to his heart’s content.
U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman: Joe’s days as a Senator are winding down. Lieberman, chair of the Senate’s Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee, has turned into a real hawk on international issues over the years, so we figure he needs to use his primo security clearance while he still can. Let’s send him underground—into the heart of Cheyenne Mountain, the super secure operational center for NORAD (North American Aerospace Defense Command) in Colorado. Perhaps we can get him the military equivalent of an entertainment “all access pass” so he can while away the hours at such “fun” attractions as the Missile Correlation Center, the Operational Intelligence Watch and the Command Center.
Commissioner Daniel Esty: This state government “newbie” hasn’t had it easy. Esty is charged with merging state energy and environmental functions into a new super agency known as the Department of Energy & Environmental Protection (DEEP). We choose to send the commish to Vancouver, British Columbia next month with tickets to a concert by British pop sensation Adele. Why? She has a monster top ten hit that we think could be the new theme song of Esty’s agency. Come on, hipsters, you know it’s called “Rolling in the DEEP”.
Larry Dorman & Matt O’Connor: These guys aren’t elected officials. They are spokesmen for SEBAC (State Employees Bargaining Agent Coalition), the union leaders who negotiated with Gov. Malloy for a state employee concessions deal that crashed and burned thanks to complex union voting rules and other problems. That defeat touched off a budget controversy. Though reporters usually don’t have any sympathy for p-r types, also known as “flacks”, Larry and Matt deserve a break. They had to face reporters’ questions time and time again as the controversy unfolded while their union leaders stayed behind the scenes. That hazardous duty led one political columnist to refer to Larry and Matt as “those poor b*******” and we agree. Let’s send Dorman and O’Connor to Disney World. They deserve some honest fun. When they’re riding the legendary tea cups (aka Mad Tea Party), they still won’t have to “spin” as much as they did during the last few months on the job!
Linda McMahon: McMahon was the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate in the 2010 election, and lost to Democrat Richard Blumenthal. However, from election night on, McMahon has hinted she might make another run for the Senate. That opportunity looms in 2012 because Sen. Lieberman is retiring. So maybe we should provide a nice quiet getaway so McMahon can ponder her future. On second thought, forget it. Anyone who has the financial resources to drop $45 million of her own money to finance a statewide campaign in 2010, and be able to seriously consider another run next year doesn’t need our help to take a vacation.