Dead End Vacation?
Photo by Steve Kotchko
Posted 7/26/10
It’s summer, and many of us have escaped work to vacation in various locales. Once again we ask, don’t our “hardworking” politicians deserve a vacation? Many of them have been caught up in primary campaigns, but perhaps between the August 10th primary and the fall elections, they can find time to get away. So here are some suggestions.
Noting that it is illegal to offer expensive gifts to candidates and elected officials, remember that what we suggest here on the web are fantasy road trips—just for fun:
Gov. Jodi Rell, Sen. Chris Dodd, and Secretary of the State Susan Bysiewicz: These three well-known pols decided not to seek reelection this year, and their terms end in January. Since they will have plenty of free time on their hands, there’s no need to help them plot vacations. Maybe they’ll get together for coffee and danish and a few chuckles at the expense of the poor schmos still in office in state and federal government trying to deal with deficits, etc.
Former Republican Congressman Rob Simmons: Simmons suspended his campaign for the GOP U.S. Senate nomination many weeks ago, but let his name stay on the August 10th primary ballot. Recently he decided to use the money left in his campaign war chest to pay for TV ads to remind GOP voters that his name is on the ballot. Is he campaigning again or not? Since Simmons can’t make up his mind, we’re going to order him a professional vacation planner. The planner can pick an appropriate destination; book the air travel, the hotel, and a full itinerary, giving it all to Simmons the day before departure—too late to change his mind!
Republican U.S. Senate candidate Linda McMahon: McMahon, former CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, has been chastised by critics for the type of “entertainment” the WWE provides. For example, in an op-ed for the Christian Science Monitor, NYU educator Jonathan Zimmerman claimed McMahon’s fortune was “built on violence and vulgarity.” He said pro wrestling seems to focus on performers who “pummel one another with sledgehammers, garbage cans, and folding chairs.” That being said, perhaps McMahon would benefit from a vacation at Disney World. Mickey and Minnie Mouse probably are better role models than the WWE’s CM Punk, Undertaker, or Luke Gallows.
Attorney General Richard Blumenthal: While McMahon gains knowledge from a trip to Disney World, we don’t want to send her top rival, Democrat Dick Blumenthal there. That theme park’s Fantasyland might be harmful to Blumenthal, who had trouble separating real life from fantasy when it came to his military service record. Instead let’s send him to the Upper Gauley River in West Virginia, for whitewater rafting/kayaking. Dubbed the “Beast of the East”, the Upper Gauley is really rugged. If Blumenthal can survive this wild ride, the rest of the Senate campaign will seem like a kiddies wading pool!
Lisa Moody, Gov. Rell’s chief of staff: Moody has become famous (or infamous) for running roughshod over state commissioners, legislators, and bureaucrats to get what she wants and to protect Rell. Unless Moody retires when the Rell regime ends, she may need to soften her image to get a new job. So let’s send her to be a contestant on Charm School, the VH1 cable TV reality show that promises to teach participants proper etiquette. Moody will be tutored in Charm School’s ten commandments including: Thou shalt aspire to be charming, thou shalt be a model citizen, thou shalt play nice with others.
Ned Lamont, Democratic gubernatorial candidate: Lamont, who campaigns with a perky upbeat persona has been described as “an escapee from cheerleader camp.” To allow Lamont to perfect his technique, let’s send him to cheerleading camp. How about Cheer Excellence run at various locations down South. This private camp promises to teach “NEW cheers, NEW chants, NEW dances, stunts, and jumps” while offering expert tutoring through the use of a personal “buddy coach” delivering “the ultimate cheerleading experience.” Grab your pom-poms Ned!
Former governor John Rowland, former Bridgeport mayor Joseph Ganim, former Bridgeport lawmaker Ernest Newton: While these guys might not be “best buds” they have two things in common. They were convicted on corruption charges and served time in a federal pen. Rowland’s been out for a while, Ganim was just released from a halfway house, and Newton is due for release from a similar facility later this summer. They probably shouldn’t travel far, or spend too much, so how about this. Let’s rent them a car, and send them to a film festival at Wellfleet Drive-In, the last drive-in theater on Cape Cod. Some of the films that seem appropriate for screening include: The Way We Were, The Ten Commandments, Jailhouse Rock, Goodfellas, Heaven Can Wait, Sense & Sensibility, and Parent Trap—but not the Lindsay Lohan version!